Round IV

Hi there,
Keeping up with my treatment plan, here's my latest update. Yesterday was my final treatment for the "AC."  I had 4 rounds every three weeks since my diagnosis.  My final PICC line!  I had removed early, because it was really painful this time.  They weren't able to use the same vessel that was used the last three times, so they used a smaller vessel and it was not pleasant.  I couldn't move my arm the day I got it, but now that's it's removed, I'm doing much better.  This last treatment has been a lot harder on me.  I'm not violently ill or anything just feel like I've been hit by a truck and really moody and groggy.  I guess this is what I should expect since I'm getting more pregnant along with the chemo building up in my system.  For someone that has zero patience, this is a true test for me.  I'm getting more antsy and trying to knock the nerves of becoming a mommy and trying to understand that I have a long road ahead of me with my treatment is wearing on me.  I have many things to look forward to, so I'm trying to be positive and focus on those pleasantries, but I'll admit it's not always easy.  Please remember that I write this blog as my personal diary to remember my experience.  I'm willing to share this with those who read it as a window into the life of someone dealing with real issues that aren't too common for most, but could help just one person.  With that said, I'm going to share a story of a situation I experienced yesterday that was unpleasant and has been weighing on me. By no means, am I sharing to get sympathy from the world, just expressing myself to get relief that I have dealt with it...yesterday while waiting in the waiting room to receive my final "AC" treatment which is a pretty big milestone for me (a good milestone), my mom and I are just chit chatting about whatever passing the time while we wait.  This woman in the waiting room whom I've seen before interrupted us and asked how old I was because she observed I looked fairly young.  I told her I was 30.  She proceeded to ask if I had "it" in my breast, to which I responded yes and she asked what was feeding it, meaning what hormone, if any, to which I answered I'm triple negative so we don't know what's feeding the cancer.  She then explained that she too had triple negative breast cancer had been diagnosed the first time at 34, was now 38 and is receiving chemo and radiation for the 4th time to treat the same cancer that has returned FOUR flipping times now.  I just about bust out crying right then and there.  Here I'm thinking I'm done with phase one in just a couple of hours and then all of sudden my mind is swimming with this horrific thought that THIS could be my life over and over again.....it takes a lot to get in my head to where I cannot shake something, but this was the wrong time and place.  I could tell my mom wanted to physically close the woman's mouth from talking so we didn't hear anymore of what she had to say, I on the other hand kept with the questions.  To be honest, I have no idea what she had to say after a certain point, but I have been in a state of shock since.  I will end this story with saying that I'm allowing myself a day for self pity and then I'll get back to reality, MY REALITY, which is my treatment plan is going to work and I'm going to be fine. I just have to think that for some reason I was supposed to hear what this woman had to say, why else would that conversation take place?  Anyway, feeling like crap today isn't helping me much, but this too shall pass.  Anyway, back to my future steps to getting better....I'll have two weeks to get my blood counts back up and then start my new cocktail called Taxol of which I'll have a total of 12 treatments on a weekly basis.  By having the weekly treatments, I'll be able to take it in much smaller dosages with hopes to keep my blood counts from plummeting and hopefully they won't be so hard on my system overall. The greatest part to the Taxol, no more PICC lines.  In prep for the baby's arrival, I'll have just 2 treatments of Taxol on a weekly basis and then I'll begin my 4 week "rest" period and deliver baby Lansing.  I really can't believe how close we are to having our little miracle here in our arms.  I'm ready to have him here with us to give us laughter and light.  On the other hand, I freak out that I am so unprepared with all the baby "stuff" that we still need and learn how to use, etc.  It's something that I'm sure all first time parents think about, it's just funny that it's now our turn.  Thank heavens for my first baby shower this weekend.  It's with my closest girlfriends and I definitely need the time with girls to get my spirits up and feel like my old self. 
Peace & Love,
Misty