Baby Lansing you are almost 5 months old...you are getting so big. You grew 4 inches in just 2 months! You went from the 37th percentile in height to 79th percentile in height in just 2 months. I know this isn't important to you, but for your mommy, this is HUGE, exhilarating news! You are so big, strong and HAPPY that it makes my heart soar. I'm ever so grateful to have you in my life. I never could have imagined of having a love so strong and to be so thankful for someone...I still have to pinch myself that we made it to this point.
As for the other aspects of my life, it's that time of year that we all feel the need to express our gratitude, but this year more than ever before I have to extend my thankfulness to all my family and friends that carried me through the last 8 months. I'm getting excited for 2013, I'm looking at it as a total new beginning for myself. Thank you to each of you special, lovely loved ones that stood by me through thick and thin. Trust me, I'm over this whole thing, I know you have to be also....so thank you for always sending that text message, leaving that voicemail, sending that dinner, and most importantly for your time to just sit with me and talk. I'll never, ever forget any of it. THANK YOU!
It's been a long time since I've been on here, but it's been a month since I've had my double mastectomy. It's not something that I thought I wanted to share with the "world" per say, but again, this is for my son and if I can help another person, this is my purpose....The fantastic news is that I had what they call a "complete response" to the chemotherapy...therefore, once the tissue was removed, the tumor was hardly noticeable and the lymph nodes removed were clean! I'm officially cancer free my friends! Obviously, this is the most wonderful news in the world, but I'll be honest with the fact that I EXPECTED those results...so while sedated in the hospital room and my doctor calling me to wish me a happy thanksgiving with the delightful news, I didn't feel that sense of relief I think my husband and parents felt because I KNEW this was what was supposed to happen...otherwise, what was this hell for? I just want to say, yet again, that taking health for granted at such a young age is something I would have never understood prior to this experience. I was gifted with about 10 days of feeling strong enough to carry my son and go to the grocery store, get coffee with a friend, or take a walk if I wanted to...something I haven't been able to do in the first 3 & 1/2 months of his life and then to have a surgery that incapacitated me in the sense that I couldn't even hold my child for 3 weeks was the most devastating thing I'll ever, ever experience. I think I'm finally dealing with the realness of this situation and that I am a cancer patient. For so long, I focused on my child...please protect my son, etc., etc., etc...now it's all about ME! I don't deal well with that. Anyhow, I'm passed the hump and seeing the light each day. This was my first week back to being full-time mommy...I'm doing more and trying to get into a routine with Lansing, but we must improvise because I'm right handed and that's the side where the surgery was most invasive. So by the time 5pm hits, I'm counting the minutes until my husband gets home to relieve me...I'm usually strained and swollen by that point and just resting up for nightly duties. Any new mom will tell you that as soon as you think you have your babe figured out, they change. But to have to struggle to keep up physically is a whole new dynamic I wasn't anticipating. All in all, just grateful for the experience. If it wasn't for this crappy cancer, I wouldn't be home with my beautiful son to watch him grow each day. There aren't only downsides to this disease (at least that's what I tell myself).
My biggest concern throughout this process is to REMEMBER...simply remember and never take a single moment for granted. Life is seriously too short...keep your heads held high, be confident and follow that dream that you aren't letting yourself follow. I'm going to promise to do the same. Merry Christmas to everyone and thank you for all your love and support...I wouldn't have made it to this point without you....I mean that.
Peace & love,
|4 Months old!!|